i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize