just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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