Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize