this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
