my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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