dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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