you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize