I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
