I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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