need another drink. this is the easiest way
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
