so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
