It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Two words: blizzard sex
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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