Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
