I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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