And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
there is glitter all over my balls
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
