coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize