Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
