I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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