And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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