Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
