we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize