He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
