Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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