I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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