My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize