remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
