hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize