I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
