i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize