haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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