I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
