yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
