every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The adults are the big ones right?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
