Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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