im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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