Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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