your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
