When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
