nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
