I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
