i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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