i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
