do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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