Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize