Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We have started to decorate penises.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
