Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My vagina is officially offended.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
