Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
