I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize