Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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