I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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