Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
