I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
