we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
