not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm passing your future prison.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize