i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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