i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she told me i tasted like america
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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