Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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