Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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