I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
