I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
