I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
