why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
