who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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