So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
MIDGETS
????
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
