Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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