Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
