His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
