Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
